I heard München was a bike city - so when I moved here, I brought mine with me. I'd been riding bikes for nigh on twenty-three years. Nothing to learn then...

The transport of said bike obviously required it be disassembled in order to fit into a bike box for transport. This is when I learned my first lesson. Bike boxes are slim, wide enough for the frame only so pedals must be removed, handlebars turned, front wheel removed and tyres deflated. The first pedal came off easily; the second was a bit tight. After ten minutes of putting all of my 86kg into turning the evermore resilient nut, I decided to put the bike in the vice to get better leverage on it. Five minutes later my neighbour called by, looked at me and said "you know pedals are reverse threaded don't you?" I didn't. After another ten minutes of loosening the nut I had so forcibly tightened, it gave and the pedals were off. Lesson learned.

Having successfully rebuilt my bike (remembering how the pedals were threaded), I now use it daily. Lesson two was learned returning from rugby on a dark(ish) evening. I had removed the reflectors on my bike years ago when I had a brief flirtation with mountain biking and it was used for its original purpose. I was informed that the lack of reflectors front and back would carry a 5 Euro fine each. Admittedly, I never got round to fitting reflectors so still run that risk. Funnily enough I do have lights but always forget them because it's light when I leave! Although apparently battery powered lights don't cut it - must be the dynamo sort. On this point, I believe the lights have to be on when you are walking your bike, although I'm not quite sure how a dynamo light makes this possible. Anyway, that's another 5 Euro front and back, totalling 20Euro now of potential fines.

My third lesson was learned when I cycled (on the cycle lane) contra flow on the way back from a shopping mission. A Polizei officer stepped out in front of me and ushered me off the lane. He went on to explain the offence I had committed. I was genuinely in the dark about this because of the various cycle lanes that are marked two way. Admittedly I made my case more believable by playing the old "I've only lived here a week". At which point he asked me for ID and I opened my wallet exposing a Deutsche Bank card and a month IsarCard. Now this place is efficient but a bank card in a week? He didn't comment though. Nevertheless, I got a pass this time and was spared the 15Euro. That's the running total at 35 Euro.

On the way back from this incident, I made a phone call from my girlfriend reporting back that I had successfully bought everything on the list - fishing for congratulations if I'm honest. I later found out that this also carries a hefty fine. I've also rode my bike with (more than) a few beers onboard (that is in me, not on board my non-existent bike basket) which is heavily penalised also. Finally, and I am willing to admit this one, my mountain bike does not have a bell on it; nor is it likely to. Of course, this would also add to my rap sheet.

I'm sure that I have not covered all of the quirky fines for bicycle use in München - maybe I will make it my mission to complete the set! However, with this said, one is still not legally required to wear a helmet. Baffled....